JL Variety Mix
by SaphirWereTigrss
Summary: Collection of drabbles/one-shots, generally humour, some dramatic and AU elements. Chap 7-Shelby: find out how much trouble a dog can start. Chap 8-Secrets "Their part of the grid is nicknamed The Watchtower, and the people themselves the Justice League."
1. Circe

**Circe**

"can everyone please report to the bridge we have a situation that could evolve into a omega level threat, so we're going to stop it before it does."

J'onn's voice rang out over the announcement system in the watchtower.

Quickly heroes of all sizes and abilities arrived on the bridge facing the monitor balcony with massive windows and screens behind them showing earth and other parts of the citadel all at once.

"Circe has teamed up with Morgan le Fay and is wreaking havoc in down-town New York we'll split into teams to evacuate and take them from all angles" J'onn stated

"first team, Fire, Huntress, Nightwing..."

he was interrupted by the main comm, Diana's voice filtering through the speakers, or rather, Diana's laughter.

This prompted some chatter among the assembled leaguers until Diana spoke,

" as you know Circe is back, she is very skilled at turning people into animals,"

more laughter, this time louder "and she hit Superman and Batman" she managed to finish before breaking out in peals of laughter, accompanied by the rest of the league, even the previously stoic J'onn.

"I'll use your commlink to get a camera lock on you."

Mr Terrific replied with a large grin on his face. Everyone immediately to turned to face the large screen behind them and waited.

When the display changed it bought up a picture of Diana still laughing hard and a obviously very annoyed jet black winged horse with familiar cerulean blue eyes and a ebony panther with ice blue eyes that looked equally as irritated. Of course this set everyone laughing again.

"Where's your sense of humour gone!" Wally gasped out through peals of laughter,

"I think we'd better phone Selina Kyle"

the laughter continued

"_This isn't funny at ALL" _Stated Kal in an annoyed tone

"Shut up Pegasus!" came the reply.

Wally was in the infirmary for 2 weeks.


	2. Dracula

Disclaimer: unless the rights to characters in JL are in my massive :( pile of homework which I am advoiding like carrots I don't have them... can't life be sad :(

Oh well another silly little drabble thingy! (mainly written to advoid large pile mentioned above!)

YROTS MORF SETON SETAREPES TIB SIHT

Dracula

"What are we doing here?" whined Wally

"apparently this place is being used for illegal smuggling operations," replied John

"I don't like it, it's nearly as creepy as the batcave!" came some more whining "and it's Count Dracula's castle."

"actually Dracula's castle was based on this, and everyone knows there's no such thing as vampires Wally,"

"actually John I sense another presence in this establishment," J'onn cut in to Wally's whining

"ARRRRGGGGHHHH" screamed Wally, well the blur running down the mountainside that was currently Wally.

"I never knew you had a sense of humour" smirked the ex-marine.

"I wasn't joking" came the stoic reply

2 seconds later Wally lost his title of fastest man alive to a green streak,

"at last peace and quiet"

YROTS MORF SETON SETAREPES TIB SIHT

doing Gothic litrature in english no further explaination required

please review 30 secs of your time means a lot to people noone has ever heard of like me!


	3. Takeover

Takeover

:) It's me! You'd never have guessed would you! Anyways I came up with this random thing a few weeks ago and wrote it down on my Ipod but forgot about it till today!

Now you know why my friends call me evil... poor little wally... .

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He couldn't believe it.

They'd gotten everyone, the whole league, Kal and Bruce had been the first to go, captured by a brainwashed Diana the loud screams of pain spreading dread thoroughout the Watchtower. after all if something could hurt them what could it do to the rest of the league?

They had started during a the morning when everyone was still asleep, and unable to fight back.

They, the ones who had brainwashed Di, called themselves the Doctors, evil cruel beings that were an offshoot of the modern human species, only they were attacking anything that wasn't their own kin.

There were screams of pain coming from around him as he rounded the corners at Mach 1 trying to evade the golden lasso, but to no avail the shimmering golden cord wrapped around him, and he was dragged off to Tarturus in space.

Diana tied him to a column supporting the roof in the doom room and went of to get the weapon.

He screamed high and loud, a few seconds later it was all over...

as he left, the rest of them were laughing as he'd finally joined their ranks, his crossing being the last and loudest.

Man he hated flu jabs.

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Having jabs at school + friend said it was like something out of a horror movie = this!

pleeeeaassseeee review reviews give amunittion which can be used to destroy homework (so can chocolate, sleeping and music but reviews are the strongest!)


	4. Glue I

Ok, before we start this thingymajobobobobit physco bob reminded me to remind the rest of the world (cos it's so NOT obvious) that I do not own justice league or anything related to it.

Pineapple juice!

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Glue I

In the middle of an almost unearthly dark and creepy cave, a single figure cackling madly, put the finishing touches to his recipe.

This recipe was designed right down to it's molecular structure to be the strongest substance of it's kind in the galaxy. Every part of the compound was highly advanced and thought put to be ready for every possibility, including the one with bananas.

No, It's creator wasn't a mad scientist just a rich kid with issues. The substance.

Bat-Glue.

The rich kid teleported up into the floating metal HQ for a league of meta-powered beings the Watchtower.

This Justice League watched over the Citadel, an alliance of 27 galaxies all working as one. Sol, Rao, Piet, Gigl, Asd and many more were all part of this alliance and all protected bt the Justice League. He was hidden amongst their ranks using the information he gained from this position for his own paranoid needs.

But this bat-glue was only meant for one purpose, only meant to stop one person.

The scientist planted the glue in a remote area of the Watchtower, activated the hidden signal jammer and waited for his victim to come by...

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Yo! Guess who the scientist is guess who his victim is it should be pretty obvious!

I'll be back with more!


	5. Glue II

Oh yeah, I'm back!

**Glue II**

The prey approached it's inevitable doom, the captor out of sight for now, smirked evilly. Once his prey was trapped... the sheer amount of possibilities was incredible!

"Hey, Bats," came Wally's voice echoing down the hallway, sounding like he was in trouble or stuck with something, the mad scientist smirked at this thought. Then the being that had been called for rounded the corner approaching the trap he had set earlier, ready to gloat and torture his prey for as long as possible.

Then he stopped.

It wasn't because he wanted to, it was because...

AAAAARRRGGGHHH! He was stuck in his own trap! However the worst thing about this was on the floor in front of him, laughing to hard to be able to stand. Neither of them could believe it the roadrunner had actually outsmarted the coyote, and got him caught in his own trap.

_2 hours later _

"Where is he?" Diana paced up and down the conference room obviously frustrated.

"You know what he's like, Gotham is all that matters." Kal tried to calm her down.

"Hey at least the watchtower can actually have some fun without Mr dark and broody threatening the location of our internal organs." This statement most obviously came from Wally, who was lounging back in his chair, feet on the conference table eating a banana.

"Wally, your the only one he threatens because you are the only trouble maker on board, Ollie is scared of Dinah so he is behaving himself for the moment." Yup, that was definitely John, the ex-marine Wally still hadn't mustered up the courage to ask what crawled up his trousers when he was a kid, but he was pretty sure the end result would put Batman's evil to shame.

Back in the other section of the watchtower Batman smirked he had solved the problem, he had created an potion that dissolved the glue on contact it was in a small glass vial somewhere in his utility belt.

Back at the conference room Diana noticed Wally was tossing something into the air and catching it again.

"What's that?" she asked.

Wally held it up it was a little glass vial.

At that exact moment a shout came ringing through the corridors of the watchtower.

"WAAAAALLLLLLLLLYYYYYY!"

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:D I thought I'd try to make up for my recent Flashbashing Tales! Please review!

Starship Insanity is now heading to another story!


	6. Soup

I have a pile of demon poop/geography project/brainwashing material next to me. Luckily my natural school survival instincts are still sharp even halfway through the holidays so I was colouring in blu tack. With a blue pen. (you know when you just zone so you're mentally in another dimension when ANYTHING related to *gasp* work appears, I do that a lot!)

anyway, run network! (I'm pretty sure this is bordering on crack fic but tell me if you think so (after you've read it!) in a review!)

Disclaimer: get your head checked, do you really think I could own _anything_ related to JL. -_-

YROTS MORF SETON SETAREPES TIB SIHT

**Soup**

Food. Even superheroes need this vital substance, and to make sure all the food was fit for consumption (human or otherwise) the only people allowed in the canteen kitchens were the catering staff, who all had their own pass-codes for entry. But, every so often if there was a league member who knew how to cook and went through all the hygiene procedures, they might be allowed into the kitchens.

**Present (12:30)**

The whole league, with the exception of the founding members, was sat in the canteen, out of costume, everyone knew each others secret identities. The canteen staff were thinking of serving some new food so they wanted everyone to sample them first, and see what the overall reaction was.

"Here we go, boar and seaweed soup," Diana carefully set the large bowl full of steaming hot liquid on the counter, and started serving it into bowls which were collected by a person from each table.

"This was very popular on Themiscrya," Diana announced pride that she had made this obvious in her voice.

"Where are the founding members, aren't they supposed to be here?" asked Ollie with murmurs coming from other leaguers who were wondering the same thing.

"I don't know, I'll go and search for them," Diana sounded puzzled as to why her friends weren't there.

As she flew down the corridors, looking for signs of life, she saw a flash of green light coming from one of the storerooms, she backed up and hovered just out of sight by the doorway wondering what John was doing in there. As she turned the corner, she heard some whispering.

"This could be really bad John, I'm glad you found out before it was really too late." Wally's worried voice floated over to Diana's ears.

"We should warn the rest of the league," J'onn stated calmly as normal.

"That would probably be the best course of action" Shay replied "but we have to move quick."

With that they took off, racing straight past Diana who had hidden round a corner, she decided to follow, whatever they were talking about it was bad.

Meanwhile, back in the canteen, everyone was getting restless.

"Let's just start, we still have a lot of food to try and the soup is going to get cold," Hank's voice rose above the chatter and the was a rumble of agreement.

"DON'T!" bellowed John as he burst in with Shay, J'onn and Wally right behind him.

"It's only soup!" came the laugh from Zatanna.

"Just don't eat it yet, let me tell you something first." John said calmly looking around in case anyone tried to eat the soup.

Diana landed behind the four in the doorway, "It's only soup, what harm could it do." she stated letting a hint annoyance into her tone at her friends actions.

"Just let me explain, and then you can decide for yourselves," John, took a deep breath and began his tale.

**2 hours earlier (10:30)**

"How are we doing with the checks?" Kal asked referring to the system checks Bruce was doing. John was in the lift while it was at the monitor room floor the wiring had gone dodgy for some reason, and he was attempting to fix it.

"Damn cables" he muttered under his breath, trying to get the stupid little wires back where they belonged. He had just put the panel back in place when the lift doors closed and the lights went out,

"OK, who messed up" he yelled when the doors wouldn't open, there was no reply. The ex-marine sighed and checked his electronic tablet, the power to the monitor room had gone down as well which meant it was sealed off like the lift. The only people on board were the founders, everyone else had the morning off to sort out their lives so they could be up here this afternoon. He sighed again and waited, Bruce and Kal would sort this out soon enough. Then he heard a voice.

**In the monitor room (10:35) **

Bruce swore under his breath, the power had gone down for no apparent reason, they were sealed in.

"Oh wait, it gets better, there is nothing wrong with the system whatsoever, someone turned of the power on purpose," Kal sighed then turned as he heard footsteps behind him. Bruce did the same.

"Hello Princess, don't worry we'll sort this out," Bruce addressed Diana who had just arrived from seemingly nowhere.

"It's not the power I'm worried about," she stated no emotion in her tone at all as she took a seat at the now de-active controls. Bruce and Kal shared a 'what's going on..' glance over her head.

"You see, I made some soup earlier and it would be really good if someone would try it," Diana began in the same no nonsense tone as before.

"Sorry Princess we're busy right now," interrupted Kal as he checked the wires of the console for something that could have taken control of the system.

"Such a shame, it would have been nice if someone had tried my soup," Diana replied, seemingly oblivious as the men shared another glance over her head trying to figure out where this was going.

"Onto more important matters though," Diana started casually checking her nails at this point, "I think the others leaguers have a right to know more about our enemies and missions." By now both men were completely lost.

"things such as Circe and Maxima," the Princess continued her tone taking on a hard malicious edge now.

Bruce glanced at the the kryptonian the other side of the currently evil Diana, he got a 'so much for naïve' glance in return.

"Fine Princess," the kryptonian addressed the being in the chair "what do you want,"

Diana turned to face Kal and gave a positively evil smile,

"as I was saying earlier about my soup."

5 mintues later the power was back on, all the lights and doors were working again and John finally got out of the lift. He had heard the earlier conversation but thought best not to mention it.

"Well now that's sorted, I'm going to check the reactor I'll be back in half an hour," he yelled over his shoulder as he left the room.

He was back exactly half hour later, having done all the checks required for the reactor, he strode into the monitor room and couldn't believe his eyes.

There were two dead bodies.

That was when he contacted the rest of the founders except Diana because she was acting really weird earlier and he told them the whole story then they had raced to the canteen

**Present (12:45)**

"the soup killed them." came Zatanna's whisper, everyone else was too shocked to speak.

Diana decided to end this now, so she strode forward.

"What are you talking about, it's only soup." everyone jumped up and looked at her like she was an evil witch.

"Don't look at me like that, it's not my fault! If you just tried some you would know it's not deadly." she sighed, exasperated by the fact they were all acting like idiots.

"I know," Zatanna spoke up, an evil smirk dominating her features, "If you tell us about the blackmail you were using against Kal and Bruce we'll try your soup."

Everyone cheered at this, they all wanted to know the stories Diana had found.

So everyone sat down and Diana explained how Bruce had sung am I blue, then she showed them the footage. When they had finally recovered from that she explained who Maxima was and showed them some security tapes she had obtained of Maxima babbling about how her and Kal were soul-mates, and the laughter resumed.

Then, keeping with their part of the bargain the leaguers tried some of the soup, except Michael (Booster) who was allergic to seaweed, they were all chatting and he decided to take a nap.

They all died within the hour.

When Michael woke up he realized the soup had in fact killed them all.

"Wow," he muttered to no one in particular "only survivor of JLU genocide," he grinned "I'll finally be famous!"

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I am very sorry for killing the some of most awesome people in existence (ff authors being the other most awesome people in existence)

I have no idea where this came from some dark corner of my mind (well my whole mind is dark cos I'm an evil WereTigress!)

review! I know my writing is rubbish but I want to see what other people think of my... ideas?

SWT is off to kill Xfactor Jedward (John and Edward) and twilight Jedward (Jacob and Edward) because they all deserve to die slowly and painfully :)


	7. Shelby

HAHAHA! Messing with both Smallville (yup, the TV series) continuity and many heads at the same time!

A/N: Michael Holt = Mr. Terrific / Michael Carter = Booster Gold

**Shelby **

"Lois, what part of NO did you not understand!"

"Oh come on, the Watchtower's massive and the league would love him."

"I know they would but I'm up there for quite literally all of the next fortnight, and a space station, no matter how big, is no place for Shelby!"

The exasperation could be heard clearly in the friend's tones as they argued. Normally they had a good relationship but this was a large argument.

**2 Days later**

A full league meeting was taking place in the largest of the many Watchtower conference rooms, all the important announcements and decisions had been made and the meeting was drawing to a close.

"I think that's everything" announced Diana, Princess of the Amazons, sitting down and glancing at her colleagues, checking to see if the meeting was complete.

"One more thing," Kal sighed and stood up. Looking up at the rest of the league, he took a deep breath and began,

"A friend of mine, who some of you may know, has had to take a sudden trip to Mexico due to family problems and has asked the whole league to look after..."

"Not that stupid..." Bruce interrupted.

"Yes that stupid..." Kal confirmed until he was interrupted by Ollie,

"We're screwed! He's more trouble than the rest of the league put together!" the emerald archer practically yelled.

By now the rest of the league were exchanging confused glances, wondering just what were the three men talking about.

"It's Lois, do you think I had a choice?" the Kryptonian replied

"Brilliant" muttered Bruce

"Oh well, at least he'll lighten up the tower for a while," sighed Ollie in defeat.

Kal just sighed and started again

"Let's just get to the point, everyone I'd like you to meet Shelby."

A large golden retriever jumped onto the table, tongue hanging out of it's mouth an innocent and playful expression on it's face and tail wagging so fast it was just a blur.

There were murmurs of "he's so cute!" and "isn't he adorable!" from the assembled superheroes.

"Hey, Shelby, come here boy!" Ollie called.

The dog in question barked loudly and joyfully and raced towards the familiar face, managing to knock over the billionaire and started enthusiastically licking his face.

A good natured "euurghh, get off you silly animal!" was heard from beneath the pile of hyperactive golden dog, and he was eventually pushed off, but by then everyone wanted to meet this beautiful and charismatic creature so Shelby was soon surrounded by leaguers and he was happily sniffing, licking and barking, quite pleased at having made so many new friends.

"Well, now the introductions are complete, Shelby's staying in the spare room at the end of the main corridor, all the necessary arrangements have been made and he shouldn't be here for too long." Kal announced to wrap up the meeting.

**1 Hour later: Main systems room at the heart of the Watchtower **

The main systems room was essentially the heart of the Watchtower, it was the nuclear reactor and main computer base as well as where life support system, water and heating systems were based and controlled.

A leak in one of the emergency fire extinguishing system's hoses had called a group of technicians there. The founders thought it was a good time to show the rest of the league how to maintain and operate the Watchtower's primary workings

**2 hours later: The Watchtower Training Room**

"What's wrong with the zeta-bots?" Diana asked Michael Holt as the latter finished various checks on the training droids.

"I think the main computer controlling them has some messed up wires which means we don't know what will happen if we turn on the droids." Came the thoughtful reply.

"So, someone has damaged the computer and fixed it badly to cover up their mistake?" Diana wondered aloud.

"Exactly what happened Princess, Michael Carter has already owned up to it." Bruce announced as he walked in.

"How are the repairs going?" the billionaire asked the other genius in the room,

"Not well, the backup auto-attack programming seems to be coming forward and activating there's no telling what the zeta-bots might do next." The worry was clear in Michael's voice.

"So they could attack?" The Princess of the Amazons sounded alarmed.

"Yes, they were programmed as training bots but have secondary programming as a defence system for the Watchtower." Michael Holt replied whilst trimming some wires in an attempt to sort out the mess.

"But the Watchtower has a sunstone computer at it's heart and that is linked to everything on board it should be able to tell the bots what are threats and what are not." Bruce stated, with confidence in his tone.

"Sunstone?" by now most of the league were assembled in the traing room control centre seeing what all the fuss was about and many people didn't know what the Watchtower's main processor was.

"It's hyper-advanced technology, Kryptonian in origin, a combination of different data crystals combined together. One of the most efficient, artificially intelligent and hack-proof systems in the universe." explained the Dark Knight.

There was a murmur of understanding throughout the assemebled leaguers and a loud curse from Michael.

"The zeta-bots have rejected the crystal-computer, it is going to try and take them out but I don't know how."

"So the training bots and the main computer are at war?" this question came from an obviously very worried Wally West.

"Yeah."

"The Crystal-computer is far more advanced so chances are it'll take them down with no effort and no damage right?"

"The zeta-bots have a built in detonator." everyone turned to look at Bruce, he continued.

"As the zeta-bots were originally designed for war they have built in explosives activated by an external detonator used by the main bot."

"But the main computer should be able to hack them and disable right, or is it able to contain the explosion in some way?" Ollie spoke up.

"The crystal-computer is capable of both those things, as long as the zeta-bots don't get a hostage or something that could prevent the computer from activating for moral reasons, there won't be a problem." Kal's voice rang out calming the worried team.

"Too late, they've got Mari!" Dinah yelled. Everyone turned to look, indeed the master zeta-bot had a detonator in one claw-like hand and a grip on Mari's throat with the other.

"Marxtra Gallowsuse!" Shayera cursed loudly, "we can't take down the bot or the detonator without hurting Mari."

Everyone had run into the training room during this statement and made a large semi-circle around the bot, which had it's back to the training room and was facing the entrance, afraid of getting too close. It was completely silent and the atmosphere was so full of tension you could cut it with a knife, Slowly Diana took a few steps forward.

"We are not the enemy just place the Detonator on the ground a release Mari." she spoke calmly to the bot. But the bot's grip on Mari only tightened and Diana froze were she was.

"Detonation in 5 seconds" came the emotionless voice.

The world seemed to slow down for the league, none of them could do anything.

"4"

"3"

"2"

Suddenly a large golden missile flew at the robot and took it down perfectly, releasing Mari and making it drop the detonator before it could push the button. The zeta-bot crashed to the ground and broke.

Everyone was silent for a minute, then started cheering as they realized what had happened.

"Come here Shelby!" Kal called the heroic dog over and everyone started fussing over the brilliant creature as it made it's way to it's temporary owner, tail wagging all the way.

Lunch was unusual that day, as Shelby was on patrol, taking tidbits and scraps as thanks from everyone, eating enough to rival the Flash.

It was in the evening, once all the fuss surrounding Shelby had finally died down. Bruce strolled into the founders' lounge and stopped dead at the sight before him. A small – very small, he was the Batman after all – smile was allowed to appear on his face. Kal was fast asleep on the sofa, with Shelby flopped across him. Even though he was the world's greatest detective, Bruce still couldn't figure out where that awful snoring was coming from.

**2 Weeks later **

"See I told you Shelby wouldn't be trouble." the smirk on Lois' face was triumphant and smug.  
"Yeah," came the resigned reply, stupid Bruce, taking that picture...


End file.
